Today - Pretty much a free write

Today.

I'm not having a good day.

I don't really know what to do about it.

As many of you know, I have severe depression and anxiety.

Today is just not a good day for me.

It's  very difficult for me to explain, what I'm feeling, what I'm thinking.

It just makes me human, I'm not perfect. 

I know a lot of the things that I write about is either very cheery or filled with wisdom (that's what I have been told).

But, this time, it's quite glum.

I feel as though I'm going to cry for real reason. I feel empty right now.

But, the worst part is, I know I'm blessed. I have a wonderful boyfriend. My family is amazing. My friends are wonderful and supporting. Heavenly Father has blessed me with all of these amazing things in my life. And I know that! I couldn't ask for more. Now...why do I feel like this?

That's the worst part....I don't know. 

Is this one of those trials or tribulations that the scripture talks about? So that we know what true joy is about? Well, it definitely makes me want to feel that true joy right now.

And we sin, to feel this. I don't really know what I've done to feel like this. 

I missed church this morning, but I worked late last night. I've been studying scriptures all by myself. Is that such a horrible thing? That I've missed one Sunday? I guess so.

I thought Heavenly Father was forgiving? I know he is.

Am I feeling like this because it's an earthly emotion? Is the devil inflicting this upon me? Why am I feeling like this?

I've prayed. I've tried to sing. I've tried to muster up the courage to talk to at least one of my friends about this...I can't...I clam up.

So I'm writing this.

I have this really strong feeling to write about this. Maybe the Holy Ghost is giving me a sign to write about it.

I know tomorrow will be a better day. I know I'll feel good tomorrow. But why am I feeling like this today? 

I'm always around the missionaries, and their favorite saying is..."So good"..."everything is so good"..."Life is so good"..."today is so good"...

But why is now NOT so good? 

For this one thing, I don't have an answer. 

I guess we'll see what the answer is.

It's not that I feel alone or anything. I spent the whole day with my mom, and it was great! But, there was no happiness, whatsoever. 

You know that feeling of emptiness, as though you have no heart in your chest....that's exactly what I'm feeling right now. Maybe we're supposed to have days like these. I'm not completely sure.

It's as though God has something more important to do....but there's no way that's true. Is it?

I feel like nothing right now. 

All I have to do is be patient...it'll get better....

I hope.

So, It's a balancing act, right?

Sorry for being away for a while. I had to enjoy some of the break that I had. But, now school is back up again. I'm ready for the new semester, and I have a ton of things that I want to talk on here.

Today, is something that's been on my mind since school started. And school started Wednesday, and I'm already thinking of this. That's crazy.

So, everyone always says that life is a balancing act. You have to balance work, school, kids, homework, fun time, church, scripture studies, taking care of yourself, taking care of loved ones, facebook...uh what? Never mind, Facebook isn't one. Lol. But, anyway, that's a lot of stuff? Right? How are we supposed to do that? 

So, think about yourself. What do you have on your plate right now? 

"Okay, I have 18 credit hours of classes, 2 jobs, a boyfriend, chores, 2 cats and a dog, I have to keep my room clean, I NEED to sleep, Church, daily scripture reading, should I shower?, what about eating?, Maybe 5 minutes of fun time?"

...yeah. thought so. So, there's 24 hours in a day, and 2014 is not a leap year, so. Let's break it down. Let's say it's a Monday.

Sleep for 8 hours. 

Say all the meals I eat in a day, take about.... 2 hours. 

Getting ready takes me an hour and a half.

Then I have class, which takes up about 3.3 hours. 

Then, I should probably study what I learned and do homework

(average it says you should study 2 times the time you're in class) so 6 hours.

So as of right now, we have 3.2 hours left of the day. 

What are you going to do with your 3.2 hours?

Should I study less? Should I take less classes? Maybe I don't need to eat. I'll just eat really quickly. 

Take a look at Matthew 6:33 says:

"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."

So, by putting Heavenly Father first in my life, everything else will just perfectly fall into place. That is so comforting. 'Cause my plate is huge right now, but He's going to be there to help me through it all! And not just be there for you, He's going to be there for everyone!

Also, Matthew 10:39 says:
"He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it."

How powerful is that? If we live our lives for Heavenly Father, we will find our lives. But if we live for our lives alone, we will lose it. It's like if we live our lives for God, he will bless us with opportunities to find our life. To find why we were put on this earth, how we can make a difference in the world. 

So put God first. 
What are you going to do with your 3.2 hours today?

Abortion

Yesterday, I was at the LDS Institute that I attend VERY frequently. And I was sitting there talking to this girl. And I told her that I was taking a Health Care Ethics class, which talks about a bunch of controversial topics such as abortion, physician assisted death, cloning, etc. 

So we were talking about the topic of abortion and how it relates to the gospel. I had told her that before we had discussed the topic of abortion in class, I was pro-choice. However, it had swayed my decision to be pro-life. Why? Let's see.

I'm going to dumb this down. :) 

So, there are ethicists that believe that the only reason why a person should have an abortion is incest and rape. Which, I agree with, somewhat. So. Incest, biologically this makes sense why incest should never happen. So a person has genetic flaws and it passed down from the parent to the offspring. So, if family members have a child, it is more likely for the offspring to have a major genetic disorder. And it is just morally wrong. 

With rape, if there is unwanted sex and a baby is created, it will put an emotional toll on the mother. I don't think there is more I can say about that. 

So, then we talked about why abortion is wrong in a religious aspect. So, in LDS, chastity is a huge deal. There are passages within the Bible and the Book of Mormon that speak of chastity and why the law should be followed. Check this out for more information on the Law of Chastity.

So, I don't want to offend any single parents, but I think in some ways they can agree with me. Yes, single parents work extremely hard in raising children on their own, and I have major respect for them. I don't know how they do it. But, If you're a single mother, there are things that a mom can't teach that only a father can. I have several friends who are raised by only one parent, and I find it very common for them to find a father or mother figure somewhere else in their lives. So, my point is, a lot of single parents are found out of the cause of teenage pregnancy. Sometimes it happens for reasons that are out of our reach. But, if we can do something about it, then why don't we? Why don't we bring children into this world with the best possibilities of a wonderful life?

So, if there is a baby created pre-maritally, it is very common for that person to be a single parent. If a couple is married, they are bound with marriage for the rest of their lives so they are a family to raise their children. 

Here's a little insight on why chastity is important

Let's look at this spiritually. God wants to protect us from having pre-marital sex for several different reasons. If any of you have seen the LDS missionary booklets they hand out on the Law of Chastity, there's a list of different reasons why it is a law. To protect our spirits! 

So, say you're 16 years old, and you decide to have sex for the first time. You didn't really think it through what it would mean to lose your virginity. It just happened in the heat of the moment. Well. Let's look at all the consequences. 

1. Teenage Pregnancy
2. STDs
3. Further acts of discretion
4. The person may have been using you, causing a broken heart.
5. Children left with only one parent
6. .....and the list goes on.

So, why not just wait until we are married? What's the hurry? Won't sex be the same until we get to that point in our lives? It's not like it's going anywhere. 

Save your spirit, your virginity, your innocence for someone who you are willing to spend the rest of eternity with! 

I may update this again, with more stuff...my thoughts are constantly changing, updating, etc. I hope not to offend anyone. Please comment me what you think! :)

Feel Good Friday (1/10/14)

The world isn't such a bad place

So, I'm reading this book. It is about seeing the world differently. It's Love Life and See Good Days 

It's an amazing book, definitely check it out. But there's a point the author makes. That everyone always says "Have a good day". But what are supposed to take from that. It's like we HAVE to have a good day. There's no bad in it whatsoever. That's not true. 

The author states to instead, "See a good day." Now, I love that! 

It makes me think about the quote, "Everything happens for a reason." And it does. Something bad may happen today, but tomorrow, it can result in something good.

Someone may lose their job today, but they may be able to go to school to get a better one.

Someone may get in a car accident today, but they could meet the love of their life in the hospital tomorrow.

It's all in the way you see things. Heavenly Father has different things happen for different reasons. We need to realize that. He has given us the blessings of the scripture and our prophets to help us through hard times and to help make things better, it's up to us to see it that way.

Another point to make, if something happens in your life, and you read the scriptures, certain scriptures will stand out to you depending on what's going on. 

Take Joseph Smith, for example, he was reading in James and read one little scripture, and it changed his entire life. If he wasn't looking for an answer as to which church to join, then the scripture wouldn't stand out to him. So Read the scriptures. Pray. Sing. Rejoice. 

Pray hardest when it is hardest to pray

That's all for now.

See a good day!